Oh h elp me, p lease doctor, I 'm da maged
The re's a pa in wh ere there onc e was a he art
It's sleepin, it's a beatin'
Can't ya ple ase tear it o ut, and preserve it
Right there in that jar ?
Oh h elp me, pl ease m ama, I 'm s ick'ning
It's to day t hat's the d ay o f the plu nge
Oh the gal I'm to marry
Is a bow-legged s ow I've been s oakin'up
d rink like a sp onge
"Don 't ya w orry, g et dr essed," c ried my m other
As she pl ied me w ith bo urbon s o sou r
Pull your socks up, put your suit on
Comb your long ha ir down,
For yo u will be wed in the h our
So help me, p lease doctor, I 'm da maged
The re's a p ain w here there on ce was a h eart
It's sleepin, it's a beatin'
Can't ya ple ase tear it o ut, and preserve i t
Right there in that jar ?
I was tremb lin', as I p ut on my jac ket
It had cre ases as sha rp as a kn ife
I put the rin g in my pocket
But there was a note
A nd my heart it j umped i nto my mo uth
It read, "D arlin', I'm sor ry t o hurt you.
But I have n o cou rage to spea k to your fa ce.
But I'm down in Virginia
with your co usin Lou
There wi ll be no wedding today."
So help me, p lease doctor, I 'm da maged
You can p ut ba ck my heart in its h ole
Oh mama, I' m cryin'Tear s of relief
A nd my pul se is now under c ontrol