I pounded on a farmhouse lookin' for a place to stay
I was mighty mighty tired I had come a long long way
I said "He y hey in there is there anybody home?"
I was stan din' on the steps feelin' most alone
When ou t comes a farmer he must have thought that I was nuts
He immed iately looked at me and stuck a gun into my guts
I fell down to my bended knees
Saying "I dig farmers don't shoot me please"
He coc ked his rifle and began to shout
"Are you that tra velin' salesman that I have heard about?"
I said "N o no no I'm a doctor and it's true
I'm a cle an-cut kid and I been to college too"
T hen in comes his daughter whose name was Rita
She looked like she stepped out of La Dolce Vita
I immediat ely tried to cool it with her dad
And tol d him what a nice pretty farm he had
He said "Wha t do doctors know about farms pray tell?"
I said "I was bo rn at the bottom of a wishing well"
W ell by the dirt 'neath my nails I guess he knew I wouldn't lie
He said "I guess you're tired" He said it kind of sly
I said "Ye s ten thousand miles today I drove"
He said "I got a bed for you underneath the stove
Jus t one condition you can go to sleep right now
That you do n't touch my daughter and in the morning milk the cows"
I was sleepin' like a rat when I heard something jerkin'
There stood Rita lookin' just like Tony Perkins
She said "Would you like to take a shower? I'll show you up to the door"
I said "Oh no no I've been through this movie before"
I kne w I had to split but I did not know how
When she sai d "Would you like to take that shower now?"
W ell I couldn't leave unless the old man chased me out
'Cause I'd already promised that I'd milk his cows
I ha d to say something to strike him very weird
So I ye lled "I like Fidel Castro and his beard"
Rita looked offended but she got out of the way
As he cam e charging down the stairs sayin' "What's that I heard you say?"
I said "I like Fidel Castro I think you heard me right"
And I ducked as he swung at me with all his might
Rita mumbled something 'Bout her mother on the hill
As his fi st it hit the icebox he said he's going to kill
Me if I don't get out the door in two seconds flat
"You un patriotic Rotten doctor Commie rat"
W ell he threw a Reader's Digest at my head and I did run
I did a somersault as I seen him get his gun
And cr ashed through the window at a hundred miles an hour
And la nded fully blast in his garden flowers
Rit a said "Come back" and he started to load
The su n was comin' up and I was runnin' down the road
W ell I don't figure I'll be back there for a spell
Even though Rita moved away and got a job at a motel
He sti ll waits for me constant on the sly
He wan ts to turn me in to the F.B.I
Me I romp and stompings thankful as I romp
Without f reedom of speech I might be in the swamp
