Intro :
Well I t ook me a woman late last night
I was three-fourths drunk she looked alr ight
'Til she started peelin' off her onion-gook
She took off her wig an' said "How do I l ook?"
I was h igh-flyin'
Bare-n aked
Out the w indow
Well s ometimes I might get drunk
Walk like a duck and s mell like a s kunk
Don't hurt me none it don't hurt my pride
'Cause I got my little lady right by my s ide
She's-a t ryin' to hi de
Pretendin' s he don't know m e
I's out there paintin' on the old woodshed
When a can of black paint it fell on my h ead
I went down to scrub and rub
But I had to sit in b ack of the t ub
Cost a q uarter
Half-price
Well my t elephone rang it would not stop
It's President Kennedy callin' me u p
He said " My friend Bob what do we need to make the country grow?"
I said "My friend John Brigitte Bard ot
Anita E kberg
Sophia L oren
Country-O- Grow"
Well I got a woman four feet short
She yells and hollers and s creams and s norts
She tickles my nose pats me on the head
Rolls me over and k icks me outta b ed
She's a m an-eate r
M eat-grind er
Bad loser
Oh t here ain't no use in me workin' all the time
I got a woman who works h erself b lind
Works up to her britches up to her neck
Writes me letters and s ends me c hecks
She's a h umdinger
Folk singer
Late one day in the middle of the week
Eyes were closed I was h alf as leep
I chased me a woman up the hill
Right in the middle of an a ir raid d rill
I jumped the f allout shelt er
I jumped the s tring-bean
I jumped the T V dinner
I jumped the s hotgun
Now the m an on the stand he wants my vote
He's a-runnin' for office on a ballot no te
He's out there preachin' in front of the steeple
Tellin' me he loves all k inds of p eople
He's eatin' b agels
He's eatin' p izza
He's eatin' c hitlin s
Oh I s et me down on the television floor
I flipped the channel on to n umber f our
Out of the shower comes a football man
With a bottle of oil i n his h and
Greasy k id stuff
But what I want to know Mr. Football Man
Is what do you do about Willy M ays?
Martin Luthe r King?
Oula Tunj ee?
Well the f unniest woman I ever seen
Was the great-granddaughter of Mr. C lean
She takes about fifteen baths a day
Wants me to grow a mustache o n my f ace
She's i nsane
Well ya a sk me why I'm drunk all the time
It levels my head and e ases my m ind
I just walk along and stroll and sing
I'll see better days and I'll d o better t hings
I'll catch d inosaurs
Make love to E lizabeth Taylo r
Catch hell from Richard Burto n
